Things to Remember

I am pitifully behind on this blog. But I am ignoring that for the time being. Not giving up--just temporarily disregarding. (So be on the lookout for a string of summer blog posts in January).

Typically, I do not use think of this as a space to record personal insights. But I recently learned something significant enough that I wanted to write it down somewhere I would be unlikely to lose it. During the final hours of 2018, I thought I would squeeze in a few thoughts.

Here goes.

As a mother, I have struggled for years with the concept of happiness as it relates to my maternal role. This does not mean I am unhappy to have a family--on the contrary, motherhood has brought me joy beyond anything I could have hoped for. However, becoming a mother has brought with it this critical misunderstanding:

"My children's happiness is my responsibility.

Therefore, it my child is unhappy, it is my fault.

I should be happy and cheerful all the time.

If our family is unhappy, it is my fault."

The misguided nature of these statements is obvious. A mother certainly influences the well-being of her child. She should be meeting a child's basic needs, as well as mental and emotional needs, and a positive attitude on her part should be encouraged. But asking someone to be happy all the time and make sure everyone else is happy all the time is just too much pressure for one person, right? It's unreasonable.

I know that. But it's surprisingly easy to know one thing and find yourself sort of believing in the opposite of that thing.

I felt so confused. For a long time. And I'm still confused about most things. But in the past few weeks, I had a sort of epiphany in regards to this particular conundrum.

This is what I now choose to live by:

"Happiness is a complicated concept.

It can get mixed up with lesser ideals like pleasure and gratification.

To what extent should happiness guide one's actions?

Where does one draw the line between the happiness of others and individual happiness?

Happiness is too complicated. Forget happiness.

Instead, choose love.

Love is much less confusing. It is purer. It is nobler. Not to mention--it is powerful.

Let love guide your actions.

As you cultivate love in yourself and others, you will find true peace and happiness."

I don't believe I came upon this knowledge on my own. I believe that I gradually gathered bits and pieces of wisdom from trial and error, from the examples of others, from quiet moments when I turned my heart to God.

Some of those quiet moments were spent in an effort to finish reading the Book of Mormon by the end of the calendar year. I made a goal to do this back in October after our prophet, President Russell M. Nelson, asked us to read the book in this specific time frame. Some days I was more diligent than others. Some days slipped by me when I wasn't sure if I remembered to read or not. But I finished it today, just barely in time to meet that goal.

What has this experience taught me?

I believe it taught me a little bit more about love. It was the path that Christ walked. It is the path he asks us to follow.

So, as I face a new year, I resolve to turn my focus on love.

After all that, I can't just casually say "Happy New Year," can I? So how about I say:

"I hope your new year is filled with love... AND happiness."

Don't completely forget happiness.