How Music Helps Me Hope (Not Just Cope)

I rarely ever turn on the radio, especially the week before or after an orchestra concert. My favorite parts of symphonies are almost always playing in my head and keeping my mind company during those days.

Last week, I got to perform in one of my most favorite orchestra programs to-date: Glinka's Overture to Russlan and Ludmilla, Beethoven's fifth symphony, and Tchaikovsky's fifth symphony. It was a jackpot set for the cello section--lots of gorgeous melodic lines and exciting roles in harmonic structure.

This concert also felt significant to me because it was a reminder of how far I've been able to progress musically. I played Russlan and Ludmilla way back in either 8th or 9th grade district orchestra--I don't think I actually played very many of the notes and it just generally felt like an impossible piece of music to me at the time. Beethoven's fifth symphony hit me a couple of times in college--the (in)famous second movement was part of the excerpt list for my first orchestra audition. I lived and breathed that piece the summer before, struggling to learn the challenging notes and rhythms. Then I got to the play all four movements with the UI Symphony Orchestra in a concert a couple of years later, still struggling some, but having several victorious moments, as well.

While I can't say my personal performance with the Loveland Orchestra was 100% perfection last Friday, I can say it was my best one by far. Not only did I play more accurately than I have in the past, there were plenty of transcendent moments during the performance where it felt like my soul was somehow singing through the cello and participating in the rebirth of a masterpiece. I've never been more grateful for ten intact fingers and two functional eardrums.

I believe that at some point after I die, my spirit will be reunited with my renewed and perfected body in an event called resurrection. My days as a ghost will be over, as well as many of the afflictions of mortality. I will have those eardrums back, and all ten fingers, too.

Although I don't fully understand how this process will take place, I still believe. And this belief gives me hope.

For me, there are some tactile moments in life that seem to connect me briefly to heaven and divinity. Holding my newborn child. An embrace. Singing a hymn in church. Playing my cello in a symphony. Things I couldn't do if I didn't have a body. The thought that these types of tangible moments can somehow exist in eternity feels right to me, and that is what I choose to believe. I believe that there is more to our existence than mortality, but also that some of those precious moments we experience during mortality can be ours forever.

I'm not sure what cellos look like in heaven, but maybe if I keep practicing, I'll be able to play one someday.

(Photos by Jenika McDavitt)

Off to Preschool

 . . . speaking of Mika growing up, last week she started preschool for the first time. She was so excited to go!

Parents were invited to stay for the first ten minutes of class. Mika didn't really need any reassurance from me, but I took the opportunity to do some photo documentation.

 Ms. Christina made her feel welcome right away and invited her to practice writing her name.

She wrote capital A's for the first two tries and switched to lower case a's for the last two.

After parents left, Ms. Christina kindly took over the photo documentation and sent out a bunch of pictures for us to enjoy.

Mika had an awesome first day and was all smiles when I came to pick her up.

Her first week went great!

Today she got to take in a poster she decorated to describe herself.

I put Mika in an afternoon preschool class, so after dropping her off, I put Paula down for a nap. The house is completely quiet for a good two hours. You would think such a quiet house would get extra clean during that time, but instead I have found myself either making it messier by starting new projects or shoving house chores aside in favor of arranging music and posting pictures on this blog. 

Forgive me, house! It is just so gratifying to reminisce about my children the moment they are apart from me, I find it hard to resist. Would you like me to pick some things up off your floor, now? I might even have time to get your dishes done--those quiet minutes go a long way. :)

Finally Four

When a child's birthday rolls around, it seems like most mothers say something to the effect of "I can't believe she is ____ years old already!" Although I can relate to that sentiment, on Mika's fourth birthday I was actually thinking "This little girl has been acting 'four' for a couple of months, now!"

She has shown a sudden interest in writing letters and can write her own name with an adorable left-handed scrawl. I don't remember exactly teaching her how to do that, it seems like she just kind of figured it out on her own. She has really taken her big sister role to heart and teaches Paula all sorts of helpful things, like the colors in Trix cereal and how to dress dollies. Also, I hardly ever see her thumb in her mouth, anymore (true, she replaces it with her pinky a lot of the time, but the effort is admirable). Mika has just grown up so much in the past year.

For her birthday, she requested to go as a family to the "Castle Park" in Windsor. We went in the morning, while it was still cool outside.

Ramona and Mika pretended to be princesses and found a little boy who wanted to play along and be a knight.

 Paula was a baby princess . . .

 . . . and Forest was some kind of evil wizard.

Mika liked to spend time in her secret princess tower.

 After a phone call from Paca, it was about time to go home.

 Mika's next requested activity was fuse bead crafting. She loves these things.

 Lunch was topped off with cupcakes, topped with candles.

 Four candles for four awesome years with Mika!

Then it was time to do some party prep--Mika had a flip-flop-themed party with her little friends, so I practiced painting some little flip flops on Mika, Forest, and Ramona.

As guests arrived, we glued rhinestones and sequins onto flip flops and made bracelets for some craft time . . .

 . . . then played a flip flop matching game for tootsie roll prizes.

 Also, we played a round of flip flip flop (an adaptation of duck duck goose) . . .

 . . . we did a cupcake walk . . .

 . . . and enjoyed some mini soft serve ice cream cones.

 It was a party!

 Once the party was over, we got a picture of Mika with her flowers from Paca . . .

 . . . and let her open up her gifts.

 Here is the moment of excitement when she realized Grandma sent her a Monster High doll:

 Not one, but two! Thanks Grandma!

As if there were not enough dolls in the house already, mom and dad gave her an Ever After High doll.

During the rest of Mika's birthday, there was a lot of doll-playing . . . 

Some singing and dancing with a new Frozen microphone . . .

. . . and an episode of Monster High. 

 I think Ramona was pretty excited about her little sister turning four.

 Mika was such a sweet little birthday girl for her special day.

The next day, she wore a new dress to church (Paula eventually put on clothes, too).

And in the days that followed, she continued to enjoy her birthday gifts . . . 

And wrote lots of thank-you notes, too.

Here is a note for my Mika:

Dear Mika,
    I really do not know what I would do without you. You add so much to our family. Somehow your easy-going nature evens out the over-zealous, high strung personalities that tend to reside in this household. You remind us to try and go with the flow and find joy in the simple moments. You have such a kind heart. Whenever either of your sisters are sad, you are so eager to comfort and love them. Thank you for all of the times you ask me to play with you or read you a book--those times are truly precious to me. Love you so much.

-Mommy