Ten years ago today I got two "birthday presents" in the mail, both of which made me cry. They were rejection letters from the BYU School of Music--one for cello and one for voice. I knew it was a stretch for me to get in there in the first place, (it probably didn't help that my "auditions" had been on VHS tapes) but it was still a pretty hard blow on my 18th birthday. I remember feeling not only a sense of failure and inadequacy, but also a loss of direction as I considered the future. I still had a few options--but which was the right one? Was I even cut out to be a music major? Should I drop the whole idea and study something else? And which school was right for me?
 |
| Senior String Quartet: Denise, Anne Marie, Kathy, and me |
Looking back now, I realize that those two rejection letters were the best gifts I could have received at the time. It forced me to ask questions that I had avoided up to that point, and knocked me down to my knees to ask God for help in answering them. The whole situation provided me an experience with prayer that was truly eye-opening--because I was given an answer, as clear as day: "You should study music." It was so simple, not much more than a thought, really--but it came with an ethereal peace that was strangely reassuring in that moment of teenage turmoil.
A few weeks later, when I received an acceptance letter to the University of Illinois School of Music, there was no question--that was where I was going. Because I had gotten my answer about WHAT I should study, and this was my ticket in. This was the path I was going to choose. Although
the course was not always smooth-sailing, I always had something to hold on to: my answer. Despite my enormous lack of knowledge and experience, I knew this--God loved me and knew me well enough to give me answer that was
real in a way that is difficult to describe. An answer that was just for me.
 |
| With my bestie Britt at church, senior year |
The journey isn't over--in a sense, I am still on that path that I chose ten years ago. I am still trying to figure out exactly what God wants me to do with music--but in the meantime, I am meeting and learning from all the people placed on this path, and enjoying the companions who have joined me these past ten years. Maybe they are more than companions, maybe they were part of the destination. Or maybe they are companions that are essential to get me to my ultimate destination. At any rate, you know who you are--the many people who have touched my life and walked with me along the way. Thank you.
